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7 Starting Pitchers You Have to Draft

Hello potential future employers! You have found a red flag in your hiring process! Red is the color of passion!

Apparently, red is also the color of the Root chakra, which is located at the base of the spine and allows us to be grounded and connect to the universal energies. And, in case you just picked up a rock tumbler, gemstones that will aid the Root chakra include lodestone, ruby, garnet, smokey quartz, obsidian, hematite and onyx (see here). 

So set down your Coke Zero, distance it from your laptop, and focus up. It's time for us to mine the gemstones in this year's quarry of starting pitchers.

Fecta! 

Lodestone: Brandon Morrow

Bran-Morr knows how to get the K's, but he's had some problems finding the plate. His inner lodestone marauder is looking fearsome in 2012, however, because Brandon is getting the walks under control (5.68 BB/9 in '09, 4.06 in '10, 3.46 in '11). Of course, Bran-Morr pitches in AL East hell, but with a duplicate SIERA of 3.31 in '10 and '11 and an '11 ERA inflated (4.72) by an unusually low LOB% (65.5%), Morrow is looking lustrous at his current ADP of 186.00 (Mock Draft Central). 

Garnet: Max Scherzer

The Dirty Scherz had a slighly better SIERA in '11 than he did in '10 (3.63 to 3.68). In 2011, he was being drafted wicked high. In 2012, his ADP is a shiny 153.83. Get him. 

Ruby: Zack Greinke

Wait for it.

Two pitchers stat lines from 2011:

9.57 K/9, 4.59 K/BB, 2.81 SIERA, 233.1 IP, 2012 ADP 12.45

10.54 K/9, 4.47 K/BB, 2.66 SIERA, 171.2 IP, 2012 ADP 53.68

The first is the monster season of the 2011 NL Cy Young Award Winner, Clayton Kershaw. The second is completely made up. Zing!

No, no, the second is, in fact, the almost as monstrous (less IP) season of Zack Greinke. Classic case of peripherals slaying the roto stats. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. Greinke, 2012 fantasy wolf! See, I can coin phrases too! Wowee! And the opposite case is a fantasy sheep! YES! YES! PUT ME ON TV AND PAY ME SIX FIGURES! 

As a counterpoint to Greinke’s bejewelled draftability, see this.

Smokey Quartz: Vance Worley

While the other Vance Worleys of the world were lurking in pawn shops, Vance Worley, Starting Pitcher, was hawking fantasy gold to his owners on the cheap.  His K/9 will likely come down given his paltry SwStr% of 5.5%, but Vance Worley doesn't care about sabermetrics. He pitches in the NL, had a SIERA of 3.72, and his favorite pizza toppings are pepperoni and mushrooms. Not to mention he has a piping hot ADP of 223.01. Cowabunga! What do gemstones and pizza have to do with each other? Everything, and nothing. Your mind is a sieve, and Vance Worley is baking with it. 

Hematite: Johan Santana

Johan is aiming for Opening Day. Johan has had a long time to heal. Johan used to be a first round pick. His ADP is 222.59. He'll be 33 in March. Fantasy hematite! Ha! Wikipedia is in protest, sucka. No succulent hematite knowledge for you!   

Onyx: Erik Bedard

E-Bed moves to the NL Central, where he'll be forced to pitch against the powerhouse lineups of the Houston Astros and Chicago Cubs. Bedard has almost always been good when healthy. He'll be better in 2012. His ADP is 225.39. That's it. Oh, don't forget about the hip-hop group Onyx. I'd link the Wiki, but...yeah. You're welcome. 

Obsidian: Roy Oswalt

Roy has nothing at all in common with obsidian. I'm also at my word limit. Draft him! ADP 227.29! Obsidian has been used in blades in surgery. Nothing like a scalpel to get that Root chakra flowing. Check this cutting-edge article on Roy Obsidian before you go.


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